笑死人不偿命！医护中流传的搞笑段子……

2015-12-04 佚名网络

【知识改变命运】微博雷语：某女，本可以当月嫂，月入超万。想休假就暂时挂职。但她吭哧吭哧读了博士，当了妇产科大夫，于是大夜班是常事，急救是便饭，遇疑难杂症食不知味，月入紧巴巴五千，被人怀疑收红包拿回扣，有被砍杀之危险。这就是--知识改变命运！【装修】和同学推病人到手术室开刀，隔壁是骨科手术，电锯、电钻等器械发出的声音此起彼伏：“咚咚咚”，“嗞嗞嗞”，“呜～”。病人

【知识改变命运】

微博雷语：某女，本可以当月嫂，月入超万。想休假就暂时挂职。但她吭哧吭哧读了博士，当了妇产科大夫，于是大夜班是常事，急救是便饭，遇疑难杂症食不知味，月入紧巴巴五千，被人怀疑收红包拿回扣，有被砍杀之危险。这就是--知识改变命运！

【装修】

和同学推病人到手术室开刀，隔壁是骨科手术，电锯、电钻等器械发出的声音此起彼伏：“咚咚咚”，“嗞嗞嗞”，“呜～”。病人问我：“医生，隔壁怎么在搞装修啊？”我满头黑线，要不要告诉他是在做手术呢。

【我怀孕了】

某女医生前两天终于升级准妈妈了，老公让她赶紧跟主任说下，争取减点工作好好保胎，午饭在食堂碰见主任，她难掩兴奋地汇报“头儿，我怀孕了”周围突然就安静了，主任楞了半天，憋出一句“你老公知道了吗？”她脑抽地答了一句“他让我找你”……周围瞬间鸦雀无声！

【没听清害死人】

有一医生哥们是个肛肠科大夫，一次聚会问他为啥选择了这么个科室，哥们叹口气说道，那时还在转科，一次和医院里几个老大夫吃饭，遂打探医院哪个科室挣钱多，有说外科的，有说骨科的。这时医院一位德高望重的老主任说：屁！眼科最挣钱！于是哥们最后选择了肛肠科。

【不遵医嘱惹的祸】

一个县长被免职了，气成了植物人，被送到医院。医生诊断后说：“给他念个官复原职的通知，兴许就好了。”县长妻子想：“既然要念，干脆念个厅长，让他高兴高兴。”哪知县长一听挺身而起，大笑气绝身亡。医生遗憾地说：“不遵医嘱，擅自加大剂量。”

【想得长远】

何医生向护士包小姐求婚，包小姐一口拒绝了。何医生吃惊地问她是什么原因？包小姐说：“我嫁了你，生个孩子，岂不成了荷包蛋了！”

【乱轮】

我是个实习医生，那天电梯门口等电梯，遇到学妹，学妹问我：“你下周轮哪一个科室？”

我：“内分泌科。”

学妹：“你们怎么轮转的？”

我：“我们乱轮。”

语一出电梯门恰打开，一瞬间，见到到表情抽动的一群人。

【小时候】

小时候，父母经常威胁我，如果我不好好读书，长大就让我去掏粪。于是我发奋学习，终于成了一位普外科医生，可是每当我面对肠梗阻的病人，我总觉得我仍然是个掏大粪的。

【翻身做主人】

神经内科护士要监督病人翻身，2小时一次，一天值班护士接班查房，问病人家属：什么时候翻的身啊？只见家属一脸的差异，说：什么？护士姐姐又问：什么时候翻的身？病人一脸无奈，答：49年呗。当场差点晕倒！估计家属也纳闷，怎么在这个医院住院这么难啊，还也做问答题？

【我是长春的】

儿科血液病房，早晨站在一个急性淋巴细胞白血病（简称急淋）的小孩床前和主任交班说：这是急淋的患者，话音未落，这个小孩操着一口浓郁的东北口音说：不，我是长春的。

【舒不舒服】

在手术室，一实习同学有点紧张，打完麻醉后，本想问病人有什么不舒服吗？结果问成了“你舒不舒服啊？”众人笑晕！

【“植物大战僵尸”医院版】

每天医院一开门，我就觉得是一大波僵尸在靠近。分诊台是大坚果，减缓僵尸进攻的脚步，各个诊室医生是豌豆射手，分排得打击敌人。主诊医生是樱桃炸弹，一个顶三个用，耐心滴老专家们的柜员是单发射手，总能消灭敌人，但需要很长时间。老头老太太是看报纸僵尸，平时动作很慢，一旦惹毛了就发疯了。不讲理的是怪兽僵尸，还时不时就抛个小僵尸攻击我们，用激烈言语攻击。关键是打僵尸时还得注意医德医风标准服务，让患者不满意了就疯了！有的顺利通关，有时还得打无尽版。

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2015-12-27 hixiaoluo

好文章，值得收藏

138 0
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2015-12-06 hb2013ye

#搞笑#

67 0
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2015-12-06 hb2013ye

#搞笑#

70 0
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2015-12-06 闆锋旦

#段子#

62 0
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2015-12-04 De_dzw

哈哈

134 0
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2015-12-04 老段

一笑而过

144 0
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2015-12-04 鲜花飞鸟

闲暇时，多听听搞笑的段子，有助于缓解紧张的工作

130 0

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